The Three Major MUSTS! - a way I might choose to upset myself.

Updated: Aug 23

An unhelpful belief that I, as a HUMAN, seem to upset myself with - it tends to appear under one of three major headings - The Three Major MUSTS!


Each of these “core beliefs” contains an absolutistic MUST! SHOULD! or DEMAND!


1) I MUST! be PERFECT!, do well, WIN THE APPROVAL OF ALL OTHERS!, and be LOVED BY ALL! or else I AM NO GOOD!, AND DESERVE TO BE PUNISHED!


2) Other people MUST! do "THE RIGHT THING!" or else THEY ARE NO GOOD! and deserve to be PUNISHED! (“to ROAST IN HELL! – I’m the chief roaster”).


3) Life, MY WORLD, MUST! be easy, without DISCOMFORT! or INCONVENIENCE!, or else MY LIFE IS NO GOOD!, and “I-CAN’T-STAND-IT!”


Rather than “whether I 'believe' this or not” it is perhaps more the question:

To what DEGREE might I appear to believe this?

To what degree might I be ACTING like someone who MIGHT BELIEVE this?

To what degree might this appear to be my 'orientation of mind' at this time?


MUST! 1

Inflexible.

Places an unrealistic expectation on myself.

Over-concerned with another’s opinion of myself.

Self-worth measured by achievement and popularity.

Non-accepting of MY human fallibility.


Emotional Consequences

Anxiety and/or panic

Depression

Guilt

Roller coaster

Self-Downing

Self-loathing


Behavioural Consequences:

Unhelpful Addictive Behaviour

Procrastination

Risk-avoidance

Self-sabotage

Shyness

Unassertiveness - doormat

Workaholic behaviour

Anger


MUST number 1 is a cause for Conditional SELF-REJECTION.


MUST! 2

Inflexible and unrealistic.

Assumes my authority over another.

Assumes a clear-cut difference between ‘right’ and ‘wrong.’

Assumes my ability to inherently differentiate between ‘right’ and ‘wrong.’

Places me at the centre of the universe with others catering to my needs and wants.

Might lead to conflict with others who also see themselves as the centre of the universe.

Non-accepting of human fallibility.